Moving to be with your boyfriend is a big step in life. You’re right to ponder carefully the question of should I move to be with my long distance boyfriend? You’ll need to search your soul and give critical thought to the facts of the situation. You’ll have to balance the emotional forces acting on you with a realistic assessment of your relationship and personal goals.
How To Decide If I Should Move To Be With My Boyfriend
When making big decisions about your life, it’s helpful to identify the variables and issues and work through them. You can list them on paper or write each issue on a card and pin them to a board.
The point is to get everything in front of you in a visual manner so that you can see the big picture. How you go about that is up to you. Whether you use a spreadsheet or whiteboard does not matter.
Common variables to evaluate are:
- Your age and maturity level
- Distance from current family and friends
- Familiarity with where he currently lives
- Job prospects at new location
- Length of relationship
- Goals for the relationship
- Educational/career goals
- Desire to live someplace new
- Expected independence level at new location
These variables translate into questions like these:
- Is this your first move as an independent adult?
- How long have you been dating?
- Did you live in the same place before the long distance relationship started?
- Do you like the location where you would move to?
- Would you have an income or be reliant on your boyfriend?
- Can you get a job/go to school where you’re moving?
- What will be your source of transportation at the new location?
- Will you know anyone else at the new location?
Go ahead and add your own specific needs/questions to these lists.
Working through the lists, write down your thoughts and concerns for each variable. When you answer the questions, make answers as concrete as possible. This means using facts whenever feasible, such as types of available jobs or schools, sources of independent income, things you like about the place where you might move to, etc.
Do not feel like you have to complete these exercises immediately. It’s best to give yourself a few days to cover everything. Extra time helps you identify your emotions accurately and gather facts about the potential move.
After giving your lists an objective assessment, go through each item again and write down your feelings. Be honest with yourself and resist judging yourself. This is a private exercise. Don’t resist acknowledgement of negative emotions. They are informative and will guide your decision. Rarely does anyone have ZERO misgivings about a move regardless of the reasons or motivations behind it.
Are You Moving To Be With Your Boyfriend Or Moving IN With Your Boyfriend?
There are two ways that you would move to be with your boyfriend:
You move to the same town/city as your boyfriend but have your own residence.
You move into the same residence as your boyfriend.
These are two distinct situations. Moving closer to your long distance boyfriend so that you can see him more frequently, even daily, is far less of a lifestyle change as it is to move in with him and hear his every flush of the toilet.
Regardless of the original distance of separation, moving in together is an enormous step in any relationship. It represents a big commitment and blends your possessions and finances in a way that does not happen when dating partners live separately.
If your income and the cost of living allow for it, you might feel much more confident moving near your boyfriend instead of moving in with him. Separate residences could reduce your fears about the big move because it takes the pressure off. You don’t have to go from seeing someone once a month to sharing living quarters every day.
Moving to be with your long distance boyfriend but into your own residence gives you both the freedom and space to let your relationship develop more gradually and get used to sharing your lives.
Should You Move In With Your Long-Distance Boyfriend?
Circumstances may not allow for getting your own place to live close to your boyfriend. Money or lack of available housing could make it unrealistic.
You and your boyfriend may also have a strong desire to live together.
If planning to uproot yourself and move to a new place to be with your boyfriend, you may want to consider getting a new place together instead of moving into his place. This allows you both to begin fresh in a shared “Ours” space instead of you entering “His” space.
Discuss Your Question With Someone You Trust
Do you have a friend or relative who you trust? Try to identify a person who will want what is best for you and speak honestly. It is usually best to find someone whose judgment will not be overly clouded by emotions related to you. For example, your mother may want to keep you close so badly that she tells you not to go even if it could be a reasonable thing for you to do.
Once you find someone to confide in, ask that person for an opinion about the move.
The insights of a third party can bring you greater clarity. Pay attention to how much you agree or disagree with your friend’s opinion and what are your reasons for your reaction. This step could reveal your true feelings on the matter and help you make up your mind.
Making Your Decision
The answer could be yes if:
- You and your boyfriend agree to take this step together and neither of you have major misgivings.
- You feel ready to handle life in a new place.
- You have financial resources to support yourself in a new place.
- You like the place where you would move and want to live there.
The answer could be no if:
- You fear being isolated in a new place with no close friends or family.
- You would be overly dependent on your boyfriend for financial support.
- You like where you currently live and are only entertaining the thought of moving because of your long distance boyfriend.
Ultimately, this is a complex decision. You cannot entirely avoid the risk of making a mistake. The best you can do is be honest with yourself and evaluate as objectively as possible if your boyfriend is a good enough reason to move.